Intimacy vs. Isolation, Love and Friendship, Physical and Emotional abuse, Becoming an Adult, Divorce and children. Wow! We covered a lot of ground this week.
The problem of intimacy vs. isolation. It seems to me that throughout life we have to choose if we feel better or safer in limited friendship or in full disclosure type of relationships. Intimacy is knowing someone deep down and allowing this person to also know us. Self-disclosure is shared. Best friends in emerging adulthood, have a very large impact on who we choose to become. Friendship is important because it helps us be mentally safe. Mental illness is less likely for people who have intimate relationships.
Also, it is very interesting to think about the truth that certain friends fulfill those certain roles or needs in our lives. For instance, I have a friend who I go to when I need adventure. We would find a new place to hike or explore. Quickly I discovered that true disclosure on my part would not be wise in this particular relationship! Then, you have other friends, for example, siblings, cousins, a significant other whom keep us well kept. They teach us a deeper sense of intimacy by providing a safe place to share our hopes, dreams and pain. These are the types of friends I hold on to with ferocity, because not many come along in life! Although, I myself am quite guilty. We always tend to take our loved ones for granted. So I have to remind myself of this everyday!
The chapters this week also taught me about myself and what to look forward to in life. For instance, growth differences between emerging adulthood and middle adulthood are not only physical but mental as well. Stress is a huge factor with differences between emerging adults and middle adulthood. Emerging adults worry about family and jobs whereas middle adults stress on their health. Types of love are also different between these two categories. For example, emerging adults are more into the romantic type and the middle aged person is more focused on companionship. Overall I found this weeks reading enjoyable and informative.
I turn 30 this year and I will say that as I look back over my twenties I would choose to not do them again! I know that I am probably one of the few that say that but the stress in my twenties was epic compared to what even has been in the last year or two. I started my twenties with a baby a husband and a new house, a recipe for stress! Now Iv gotten my feet a little bit more firmly on the ground and I defiantly feel it!! I think if I was to tell my 20 year old self something now I would say Hold on its gonna be a bumpy ride but you will make it!
ReplyDeleteI have found that intimacy vs isolation with friends and partners changed accordingly to my life experiences. When I was a teenager two of my best friends died and them four years later my other two best friends died. The pain of losing them caused me to isolate myself from intimate relationships until this day. I just don’t want to feel that pain again and I don’t have to if I never let someone get that close again. I know it’s not the healthiest approach but it currently works for me. With dating there was always a brief period post-break up period where I would limit my interaction with another women in an intimate relationship way but that didn’t last long. What did take a huge toll on me was going through a divorce. In order for me to heal and move on I had to distance myself from any type of relationship. I know that it is health to have close friendships and at some point I need to let my guard down.
ReplyDeleteI agree that we have different friends we go to for different needs. I have friends I go to to talk about parenting with, friends I go to to talk about extended family issues and friends I go to just to have fun but never speak to them about important issues in my life. As an adult you learn who you can trust with certain things and those you cannot. I did not learn this until I was older but that is part of learning about trust.
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